Go Westerly: The Importance of Being Gwendolyn

5 July 12

8 pm - Midnight: Critical!: Go Westerly: Importance of Being Gwendolyn

GM: Jonathan Lavallee

Players included, but were not limited to, me, Karin Johnsgard, Ami Silberman, and Adrian Stein (the man who played the (female) Very Nice Bard

Critical Go Westerly is a comedic game, or rather, a blend of comedy and seriousness. This sort of thing often doesn't work well for me, but this time, it was fine. All of us were on the same page, and I'm familiar with the Wilde play, both of which helped. One mechanical detail: A critical was _both_ a critical success and something going very wrong, unless the player used Gold to bribe the GM to cancel the latter, but not the former.

The PCs were an adventuring party, including a dwarf who got kicked out for being too tall, a Very Nice Bard (she really was), a condescendingly helpful elf (my PC) who was so helpful that he'd been in over thirty different adventuring parties, an off-duty barmaid, a graduate of the Gwendolyn school, and probably one or two others I'm blanking on, as my notes are very sketchy.

The Gwendolyn school was quite prestigious, and the headmaster or mistress of the school as always a Gwendolyn, the oldest of the generation. Unfortunately, there were two possible Gwendolyns in the succession, and it was unclear which was older. The current Gwendolyn was disgusted by the fighting over the succession and ready to skip over both and wait a generation.

Meanwhile, the PCs were, of course, in a tavern, where all adventures being. All of them had certain priorities, at least one of which, I think, they all shared: Gotta Get the Gold! They did start with some gold, and it could be used to adjust rolls in their favor, but, sadly, it was also necessary to purchase food at the tavern.

The barmaid tried to get the dwarf to get soup, saying it came with free crackers.

Dwarf: Ale and crackers! It's like soup for dwarves!

Barmaid: ...I can do that.

Dwarf: You can chew it! That's how you know it's good quality!

Someone: Flintstones Chewable Beer!

I forget who said:

That's a lotta bananas! Fine swill -- 42 hours ago!

The elf decided he had to see how the place's actual elvish wine was, 4 gold or not. It actually was very good.

Then, they were approached by a Stranger named Jack, who wanted to hire them to escort him to visit the woman he wanted to marry, a woman named (surprise!) Gwendolyn. Which Gwendolyn of all the many Gwendolyns might that be?

Jack: Oh, we're not on a last name basis yet.

He'd met her by running into her. Yes, literally -- both were running for their lives after getting into some trouble. So, Jack offered the group 2 gold each plus 2 more if they had to risk themselves protecting him. They accepted.

They were attacked almost as soon as they left the tavern, but dealt with it. At one point, someone got a critical and the Bad Thing was that a crate full of Howler Monkeys was smashed open. The person who rolled the critical paid the GM off, which I think took 2 gold, because these were, after all, Howler Monkeys, you know. So, it just so happened that they wanted to escape into the woods, and that they were more interested in attacking the PCs' foes en route than the PCs.

Jack arrived safely at the home of his friend, Algernon, but Gwendolyn was not there. Instead, her aunt (and Algernon's), Lady Brackthistle, iirc, swept in. She sent Jack and Algernon away, interrogating the PCs instead, but had clearly already made up her mind that they were sub-par, and so was Jack for hiring them, and Jack was clearly not the man for her Gwendolyn.

Jack was very sad, and the PCs tried to encourage him not to give up, especially the Nice Bard, for Jack was Such A Nice Boy, yah?

The group collected its money and returned to the tavern, this time deciding to sit in the tavern's Very Own Dark Corner and get the Dark Corner menu!

Barmaid: Do you really want to order off this menu? You do know it's really the same as the other, just with different names and higher prices.

A Mysterious Cloaked and Hooded Figure approached the group in the Dark Corner! This proved to be none other than Algernon in disguise, coughing under the old cloak he wore. He wanted to hire the group to help him solve a mystery about Jack.

Jack had left his snuff box at Algernon's home, and it said "To my dearest Gwendolyn from your little Cecilia" (or words to that effect). Algernon, naturally, wanted to go to Jack's country estate while Jack was safely in town and find out just why Jack was Gwendolyn in the country.

Nice Bard: Oh, I'm sure there's a good explanation. Jack's such a nice boy! He would never do anything wrong.

The others managed to convince her that, while this was doubtless true, that simply meant they had to let Algernon pay them to escort him to the country estate and clear up the misunderstanding. And, Algernon could return the snuff bottle.

On the way, the group was set upon, although they did reduce the odds against them by claiming to have a crate of Howler Monkeys, as this sent a couple of the thugs running away at top speed. The original goons were from the Gwendolyn school, and some of them came, with reinforcements, including their teacher. She, however, was Not Pleased to hear that a) her students had been the aggressors, b) they had lost, and c) they were afraid of Howler Monkeys. She stood by and encouraged the PCs to teach her students a lesson, which they did, despite another critical, which we agreed had to mean that the Escaped Howler Monkeys were now attacking. Clearly, one person's cry of pain meant something in Howler Monkey Language.

My notes say:

The sound a banana makes when it hits the ground.

Howler Monkey Union Hive Mind -- Yes, they're very organized.

The teacher was impressed, and turned out to be related to Algernon, Gwendolyn, and Lady Brackthistle, and confirmed that Algernon was quite correct that nobody liked Lady B.; they merely liked her money.

The group made it to Jack's country estate without further incident, but got separated while finding their way through tunnels, secret passages, and very well kept dungeons. Everyone finally united in the kitchen, where the Very Nice Bard had distracted homicidal cooks and guards.

Very Nice Bard: I am going to teach them "A Policeman's Lot Is Not A Happy One".

This worked, but a critical also meant that everyone, PC and NPC alike, got sucked up into the big dance number.

Cecelia appeared, and Algernon identified himself as, er, Jack. She ordered the PCs to lock him in the dungeon at once, which they did, after making sure that he wouldn't be ill-treated. Cecelia was indignant, as the dungeons were, indeed, quite nice.

She explained that she locked him up because Jack was her dear Uncle Gwendolyn's good for nothing cousin, and Uncle Gwendolyn had to keep going to the city because Jack had gotten into trouble.

At this point, of course, Jack himself, aka Uncle Gwendolyn, showed up.

Someone: What we've been through -- you don't know Jack!

Jack / Gwendolyn learned what had just happened, and ordered Jack / Algernon released from the dungeon. The PCs complied.

It turned out, to no one's great surprise, that Jack's ladylove Gwendolyn was one of the two Gwendolyns in contention to succeed the current Gwendolyn, and that Jack was the other Gwendolyn. Obviously, if the two married, that would solve all problems, especially if they named their firstborn Gwendolyn!

The Nice Bard (to Jack): But, you must reveal who you are. There is, after all, some importance of being Gwendolyn.

And there, we all agreed, was the obvious stopping point.