Intercon G Revisited: The Dance and the Dawn

One of the players in the larp The Dance and the Dawn said that she'd be interested in a full write up of it, especially as I'd told her that she had me reduced to genuine tears. This is what I sent her.

I am sorry that it has been so long, and, of course, at this point, my memory's faded a bit.

Okay, I was Jael, who was kind of like Jury from Utena. I was a ladylord who had many throw themselves at my feet, begging to be my lover, and I rejected them all. I was in love with a fellow lord. Together, we traveled, doing great deeds, and I hid my love from him. Then, one fateful night, I had too much to drink, and threw myself at his feet.

He laughed at me, and said that he had always been jealous of me, and that he knew I loved him, and was delighted to learn my weakness. I asked if I might still travel with him, and he laughed again. I departed the next day, alone, and made my way to the Ice Queen's land.

There, I befriended one lord, Miribilis (I'm not sure I have the name right). We had a brief affair, but I found myself blaming him for not being the lord I loved. We separated, and became friends, perhaps the only friends among the Ice Lords.

There was one Ice Lord who seemed like the man I had loved, but I could not tell whether it were he or not. Sometimes he seemed noble, sometimes cruel. And, always, I knew that the man I loved had been unworthy, but always, I loved him.

So, at the dance, I had thought to find a lady who would understand that I would always love this man. This lady would be in pain, and I would love her for it.

[Out of character, I thought: What a shit Jael is.]

The dance began, and Lady Clara chose me to be her first partner. I found her pleasant and witty, and I told her that I had found her company pleasing. (Indeed, I found the company of every lady I danced with pleasing, perhaps because I did not have so many partners that I could afford to be choosy.) She was then entitled to ask me a question, and she asked if I knew one of the lords. I forget his name, but it began with an S. I did not.

[This was the lord whom Lady Clara wound up with, although it his ideal partner was Lady Jade. One thing I found a flaw in the game is that, for the most part, the Ice Lords did not even know each other's names. I knew only the name of the lord who might have been Jael's love and Mirabilis. It would have been helpful to lords and ladies alike if the lords knew each other's names, and at least some tidbit about them all.]

As the evening passed, of course, Lady Jade and Lady Clara sparred with each other, and I became less enamoured of Lady Clara. Lady Jade was the one woman who never danced with me. Perhaps that was just as well. Or, perhaps not. We were clearly not best matched -- but we might have made our way amiably together. As you probably remember, Lady Jade and Lady Clara each selected a lord to fight a duel, which, I believe, Lady Clara's champion won. Lady Jade then chose to fight on her own behalf. She fought and lost to Lord Kiron, I believe. One would hardly expect otherwise, and Kiron fought well, and honorably.

[And, Kiron was wearing Lady Clara's favor. As neither discovered, she was his ideal partner.]

For the next few dances, I was unpartnered. I suspect that most of the ladies preferred to dance with a lord, rather than with a ladylord. Lord Kiron made a disparaging remark about what I lacked, which I laughed off, having, after all, nothing to prove.

[I so should have challenged him to a duel. I would have won, and my sword got better whenever I defeated a new lord. The only one I would not have defeated was the Ice Prince, and then, only because he had the favor of every lady for most of the dance. Also, it would have drawn the ladies' attention to me, something I sorely lacked.]

Alone, then, I spoke to the shadows, and was singled out by One Who Finds Fault. This One found that I agreed with such of her philosophy as I understood, that we must recognize and acknowledge our own faults and others, and so, I wore her mark through the dance. If I had only had the wisdom to commit myself fully to her path, things might have been different.

[Quite seriously, of the shadows, One Who Finds Fault is actually correct. We think this something of a flaw in the game. Logically, all five of the shadows should be equally correct, or equally incorrect. But, this is not the case. For the ideal pairing, one needs to know one's flaw and to identify someone who best fits that flaw. My character sheet actually told me all I needed to know. But, this was not consistent. Mirabilis's character sheet was written to urge him to seek perfection, where he should have sought for someone to balance his idealism, specifically, Lady Kasimir.]

I spoke with the Ash Duke as well, finding him a kind gentleman. And, I spoke with you, the One Who Seeks Perfection. You asked if I would trade One Who Finds Fault's mark with yours, and I refused. At that time, I believed her to be One Who Sought Honesty.

Lady Kasimir asked me to dance, and I found her pleasant company. I forget what she asked me. We spoke with Lord Mirabilis, jesting about idealism and cynicism, somewhat at his expense, as he was an idealist.

One Who Sees Betrayal urged me to take his mark, but this I could not do. Nor could I take the mark of One Who Sees Innocence, a state to which I did not aspire, and in which, perhaps, I had never dwelt.

As the evening wore on, my doubts began to grow. In this, you played no small part, urging, as you did, that one seek perfection. I could not do this. Yet, I doubted my true path, for surely, it was no good thing to condemn a lady to a ladylord who could not love her. Doubting one path, unable to follow another, surely I was lost.

I spoke with the Ash Duke, asking how he and the Ice Queen were getting on. He said that, after much debate, they had agreed that the room in which we were dancing had four walls and a floor. This I mentioned to Lady Elspeth (I think -- the name began with an E), or perhaps to Lady Kasimir when next we danced. Whoever my partner was at the time, she asked, "What about the ceiling?" I said that no mention had been made of the ceiling. I also spoke with the Duke of the terrible weight of responsibility on the ladies, for it was they who would choose the lords. He said that I was perceptive, or perhaps sensitive. I also asked the Duke what would happen if a Lady should choose him, and he said that this would not be wise. I decided, with reluctance, that he probably knew best in this matter, and that this warning also held true for a ladylord.

At some point, it occurred to me that I had been wrong to think that I had hardly been dancing. For, had I not danced with all the Shadows? I shared this insight with the Ice Queen, on one of the only occasions I had a chance to speak with her at all. She said that it was interesting.

Lady Elspeth and I spoke, and I found myself pouring out more of my heart than I had expected to her. I told her that if I had one wish, it would be that Lord Mirabilis should find his true love. She asked if I truly wished for his good, and not my own, and I said that I feared it was too late for me. I was unable to hide my tears. I wonder if I knew, even then.

She spoke with Lady Gytha, who next asked me to dance, and said that Lady Elspeth had told her that I was kind. I spoke with both ladies of what little I knew of the other lords, particularly the one who might or might not be the man I loved. As I later said to the Ash Duke, if he were, then I should warn all ladies away from him, yet, if he were not, I would be doing him a great wrong to do so. I could not hide my tears from him either.

Lady Gytha requested that we sit out the next dance and talk, which we did. Lady Jade and Lady Clara continued to snipe at each other. Despite her moods and sulks, Lady Jade seemed to enjoy the favor of the Ice Queen.

[I asked Sami why she kept giving Lady Jade first choice when Jade was so rude. She said it was because she wanted to keep the cat fight between Jade and Clara going as long as possible. Also, I had not learned how Ice Tokens worked. I gather that they break one's heart and make one sit out a dance. I think that Lady Clara's rose worked as an Ice Token.]

Lady Vespa (I think) danced with me once. And, then, the Ice Prince challenged the Ash Duke, who summoned a demon to fight on his behalf. I knew not to whom I wished to be the victor.

The Ice Prince fought well, but he stabbed not the demon, but the Ash Duke, who said, "Well struck," and fell. I caught him.

The Ice Queen collapsed. "Look to the lady," I instructed, not moving from where I was. Someone did so, perhaps the Ice Prince, perhaps Lord Kiron.

"Someone help this old fool!" cried the queen.

I did not want to leave the Duke, fearing for his life, but Lady Elspeth told me to leave the Duke to her, and the other ladies assured me that this was best. I did as she instructed, and she used her rose to heal the Duke. I think I knew, then, that she was the lady for me. Certainly, I wished to speak with her, to dance with her again, but I had no power to do so. And, the lady had others she wished to dance with far more than me.

Lady Kasimir made it abundantly clear that she found my company pleasing. I was troubled, uncertain that we were the best match. Yet, she seemed so sure. And, she seemed genuinely to be trying to make the best matches for all the ladies, and this pleased me.

Then, an Ash Token came to me. I know not how. I knew only that if I found a lady's company pleasing, I might ask her if she found mine pleasing. If she did, I could look into her soul. I showed my token to Mirabilis, who wondered at it.

By now, I had also done my best to tell my fellow lords what small truths I thought I had discovered. By now, you had told me that the shadow I thought was Honesty was One Who Finds Faults. And, as I said to you both, truly, it was fitting that I should wear that One's mark. If only I had the wisdom to follow that path more faithfully.

I wanted to dance with Lady Elspeth, but I had not the power to do so, and Lady Kasimir claimed me again.

["Dibs!" was what she said, actually. It was a little distracting dancing with her, as her corset emphasized her breast, which was about level with my eyes.]

She made it clear that she thought our light conversation indicated that we might be well matched. After our dance, I told her that I had found her company pleasing, and asked if she had found mine pleasing. She had. I used the Ash Token and looked into her soul.

What I found troubled me. She was a lady who had acted as she pleased, and had pushed others to do likewise. When they complained about the results, she pointed out that this was what they wanted. Unsurprisingly, she eventually found herself shunned.

This made me doubt what I had thought was her kindness in trying to help her fellow ladies. Was it all just cruel manipulation for its own sake?

Then, she said to me, frightened, "You have seen my past. What do you think of me now?"

I said to her that, perhaps, before this night, I would have shunned her, but now? Who was I to judge anyone?

Nor was I lying. What right had I, who would have chosen a lady for her pain, to judge Lady Kasimir?

In retrospect, it would have been kinder to us both if I had told more of the truth, that, while I would not judge her and did not wish her ill, I feared we would be poorly matched. Light conversation that conceals as much as it reveals is no way to choose a partner. And, I think that both One Who Seeks Perfection and One Who Finds Fault would have agreed with me, had I said this. For, allowing Lady Kasimir her way was not seeking perfection, nor was it finding one whose fault balanced and was balanced by my own.

And yet, what other choice had I? I would gladly have sent her to Mirabilis, but it was not my choice to make. She had made it abundantly clear to me that she did not find Mirabilis's company sufficiently pleasing. And, no other lady seemed to find my company desirable.

The last dance began, and I was left unpartnered. I asked the Ice Queen, but, as I recall, she had already promised the dance to another. So, I thanked the Shadows for their dancing.

When the dance ended, I believe I let Lady Kasimir know that my fate was in her hands. She was allowed to chose first, and she chose me.

"Your servant," I said, going down on one knee.

Lady Jade chose the Ice Prince, seeking perfection, as she understood it. However, he rejected her, the only lord who could refuse a lady.

Lady Elspeth asked him, and he accepted.

Lady Gytha asked the lord I suspected of being the one I loved.

Lady Clara asked Lord Salish.

Lady Vesta asked a lord whose name I do not recall.

No one asked Lord Kiron. And, to my deep distress, no one asked Lord Miribilis.

And then, the boat came and took us from the island, leaving behind the two unchosen lords and the Ice Queen.

Yet, there was a change, for the queen's icy heart had been melted when the Ash Duke was wounded by her son. And we learned her story, how the Ash Duke had been a powerful wizard, partnered with a bold hero. The wizard would pretend to menace beautiful ladies, and the hero would pretend to rescue them, as both thought that all ladies should believe that a hero found them worthy of rescue. I think that the ladies were all sent on their way after, with a spring in their step and more confidence in their bearing.

Over time, the hero began to believe the story he and the wizard had created.

Then, one fateful day, the wizard took the woman who would become the Ice Queen. She looked at him and did not fear him. They fell in love.

But, the hero, desiring this woman, attacked the wizard, wounding him, and carried the woman off. She poisoned him, but now had nothing but contempt for the wizard. And, she became the Ice Queen, while the wizard became the Ash Duke. I believe that the Ice Prince was the son of the Queen and the Duke.

A reconcilation had begun between Queen and Duke, and, perhaps, one day, she would leave the island. Mirabilis might well take solace from this, for he is an eternal optimist, and he can see that even the Queen is changing over time, as love melts her heart.

Lady Vesta chose well, partnering with an alchemist who needed a moral compass, which she could provide. They were the single couple that had the perfect pairing.

Lady Jade, who wished no one if she could not have the Ice Prince, became a warrior maiden. Perhaps, one day, she will return to the island and become the new Ice Queen.

Lady Kasimir and I had a stormy relationship. As I feared, light conversation was no indication of a good match. For, I could never let go of the love I bore that long ago lord, however unworthy he proved, and she was impatient with this. Eventually, we separated, and became the better friends for that. To my surprise, the man she should have chosen was Lord Mirabilis, for her cynicism would have balanced his idealism.

[None of the three of us would have guessed that one.]

Lady Gytha did not chose well. Her lord was indeed the one I loved, and he was a soulless monster. This was the worst possible pairing, for the lady lacked confidence and self esteem. Her ideal mate was the Ice Prince.

The Ice Prince and Lady Elspeth, while not perfectly matched, nevertheless were well suited for each other. And, as I had known, somehow, she was the lady with whom I could have been happy. A healer, she wanted a lord who understood how difficult healing was, and that not all wounds could be healed.

It was possible for the soulless lord to get a soul, but this would have been difficult. He would have had to achieve the nigh impossible, either wearing the favor of every lady, or besting me in a duel, or some other improbable task. If he had done that, he would have a soul, great power, and the choice of whether to use that power for good or for ill.

Lady Clara and Lord Salish got on well at first, but his roaming eye proved stronger than his desire for her. His ideal partner was Lady Jade, who was very like Lady Clara, but just different enough to hold his interest for more than just a short time.

Lady Clara's ideal partner was Lord Kiron, which is why he fought so well when he wore her favor. Alas, Lord Kiron was not only bereft of her, but also in love with the Ice Queen, who tormented him with this. Her heart had melted now, but Lord Kiron could only watch as she fell in love with the Ash Duke.

[Oh, boy, did we discuss all of these pairings, and how we'd cast our friends. Naomi would be a good Jade, Clara, or Jael. Beth would be a fine Vesta. Stephen would be an excellent Ash Duke. And Andrew? We would cast him as Not in This Game, a decision of which he wholeheartedly approved.]

[Sami had notes in her book about the lords and what to say to torment them. She would have tantalized me about how she perhaps knew the soulless lord from long ago, and about how people don't really change. And her Narnia Ice Queen costume, based on the movie, complete with wand, was perfect.]

ADDENDA:

This went to Trey, who played one of the shadows. There were five of these, One Who Finds Flaw, One Who Seeks Perfection (Trey), One Who Seeks Innocence, One Who Sees Betrayal, and one I'm forgetting at the moment. One Who Sees Betrayal as the highest power and beauty had no luck finding any to wear his mark.

My Ash Token came from One Who Finds Flaw, whose mark I wore. The shadows grew more powerful as the game progressed.